My 21st Century Resolution

I’m so sorry for the 3-month writing hiatus. Alhamdulillah, after strenuous, enlightening and meaningful soul searching exploration for the past 2 weeks, I feel reborn with new spirit, new love and new aims, thus my resolutions this year:

1. End my 2nd year PhD with a high successful note.

2. Get my PhD candidature confirmed by end of March or April the latest.

3. Get 2 publications (one on all design of the chemosensors, another on the pyrene based chemosensor) at least in top notch journal (JACS, Org Letter or ChemBioChem), contingency plan: get 3-5 publications in lower impact factor journal.

4. Hopefully will have enough results to execute my lab visits to US by September (Yale Uni or John Hopkins Uni, hmmm.., guys any preference where u want me to go?)

5. Prior to lab visits, need to be successfully granted travelling allowance, if not, Dr Cheng, would u be sweet enough to cover all expenses? :p

6. Go to international conference apart from the US lab visit. Once again, Dr Cheng, can I go to Copenhagen? Please…

7. Present or at least get the abstract publised or poster presentation in several local conference (Lorne Conf., MPG Symposium, even Bio21 conference)

8. Acquire and master more techniques apart from the proteomics, biochemical assays and organic syntheses skills I have at the moment.. Perhaps, get my hands dirtier on the more tedious cloning, lentivirus, and many many more techniques

9. Will manage my time better than last time. No more late hours up to midnite in the lab.., guys if u care for me, please take note of this, huhu… But yes, I’m the one who needs to break that ‘invisible’ wall first

10. Improve my musical instruments techniques and my vocal (only in spare time or with the “right” people)

11. Will exercise and play sport everyday if possible apart from cycling.

12. Pick up new sports, squash perhaps? Anas teach me please! Hahaha :p

13. Improve my badminton, soccer, volleyball skills, aiya stamina stamina stamina @-@, thus jogging, Zai, this time no more excuse, up the hilly Park Drive we go :p

14. Will not turn down futsal invitation unless injured, err physically and mentally

15. Will spend more time with people rather than my beloved peptides and bacteria and enzymes, no more pampering on them.. (guys once again, please miss call me or at least say my name if you don’t see me around, who knows I get the “calling”..). Let’s campings, trips n other extreme activities.

16. Will call Malaysia at least twice or thrice per week or even everyday to loved ones (Go Lebara mobiles, haha)

17. Will save at least, hmm AUD*** to AUD**** per month. So by end of year, I will have around AUD**** to AUD***** ($_$) for hmm.. only loved ones know, haha :p

18. Will engage more on islamic discussions and speeches. Sorry I turned that opportunity down last year.. M so sorry UMIS n MUIS.

19. Will memorize err the last 3 juzu’ (please ya Allah, make it easy and give me nur to easily absorbed Your kalam..)

20. Will try to cry in qiam in front of U everynite, during the wee hours…

21. To sum up, will try to be better person which is being more considerate, gives more breathing space to people, will be less jealous, will not be easily angry, in details as good muslim, as student, as son, as fren, as “special” fren, as “companion”, as colleague, as teammate, as housemate etc and lastly my tagline, always hoping to be nafi’un lighairihi…)

Ya Allah please grant all these wishes…
Ameen…

Conference on the Eid Day

Alhamdulillah, I just finished my first conference although it’s not as interesting as my friend Iqbal and I have thought. There are many interesting research going on but some of them are just totally alien to us. I think I understand a few of the biochemical immunology research but the cell biology stuff is definitely hard to crack. The techniques that there are using, the statistical analysis and other analysis performed are really puzzling and my boggling mind just couldn’t handle them. There are two people who are doing chemical biology stuff (including me), two are doing software engineering analysis on biochemical data (double degree – science and engineering students perhaps), lots of cell biology, lots of protein stuff and handful of biochemical immunology research. There were also few outside researchers and few people from the industries came as observers.

There were three sessions on the first day. I tried my best to listen attentively and with full interest but my attention span quickly degraded during the third session. I blame this on the technology advancement where I can surf the FB and the free wireless the hotel provides (well, it’s totally my fault ). The lunch break was another nightmare. When Iqbal and me queued up to see if there are vegetarians foods, suddenly we were given a bowl of vegetarian noodles. We tried to gobble everything up but Iqbal gave up after his bowl is half empty. I managed to eat all the vegetables but I just couldn’t handle the noodles. We then had the vegetables rolls with creamy dipped vegetables cocktails and that one was superb. We just had to bear at other people had rogan josh lamb, chicken, fish and other meaty foods while we tried to finish all the vegetables. Our supervisor with concern asked can we tolerate that and I quickly said that we are waiting for the dinner. He just smiled.

During dinner, we walked to the Wharfshed Café next to the beach. Hoping to have some seafoods but when we look at the ingredients, all the seafoods are either cooked or battered with wine. After discussing it with Iqbal, we settled for the margherita pizza as we are afraid that even if we asked to leave out the wine from the seafood, they might mix it up and give us the ones with the wine instead. After 5 – 6 slices of pizza, we thought we had enough of the cheese and quickly decide that we need to retreat to our room before the wild drinking party starts. During the dinner, we sat with Germany exchange students and after a while their faces started to turn pinkish chatted excitedly perhaps due to the effects of the wine.

I’m sorry for Iqbal during the practice, I was so nervous and at some of the slides I just stared blankly. Perhaps it’s too contagious, he ended up wide awaked until the Fajr prayer. I asked him, did he just stare at me sleeping but he said that he just watched the soccer and the cricket games on TV. Pity him and I’m sorry to make him nervous as well.

The next day, the day of the Eid! I was the first speaker and Iqbal was the second speaker. He coaxed me to come an hour early and to practice at the seminar room to get the feeling. I didn’t bother to practice as I would be the one to present anyway but I tagged him along and watched him practice. Other people did not come until it’s exactly 9.00 am which is the time I should be presenting. Waited for 10 minutes for the PA to be set up and then, it was time to start rolling.

(Listening attentively to the talks, lucky was not caught facebooking at this moment)

The presentation went well but I felt that I did not answer few of the questions well.

After our presetations, we sneaked out quietly to perform the Eid prayer a. Iqbal asked me to be the imam and after the prayer, I gave a short khutbah entitled “Cherishing Ukhuwah Islamiyah”. I reckon that Iqbal was really sad and moved by the khutbah and after the khutbah and the takbir he gave a me a bear hug and it nearly moved us into tears. Well, we only have each other on the morning of Eid. Sad but it was a sweet moment..

Alhamdulillah the conference ended pretty well anyway and on the way back, our supervisor said that next year, we should at least enrol in 3 to 4 conferences either presenting or at least showing our posters or have our abstracts published. It was a good experience apart from the binging party that we had successfully escaped. My friend told me last time he was not so lucky that in one of the conferences there had a ball. While he just sat at the side of the ball, suddenly a girl out of nowhere pulled him to the dance floor. Ugh, better watch out for the next conference.

Open Your Eyes

Look around yourself,

Can’t you see this wonder

Spread in front of you

The cloud is floating by

The sky is clear and blue

Planets in the orbit

The moon and the sun

Such perfect harmony

Let’s start questioning ourselves

Is this proof enough for us

Or are we so blind

To push it all aside, no

We just have to

(Clear signs but are we so blind?)

 

Open our eyes our heart our mind

If we just look prior we see the sign

We cant keep hiding from the truth

Let it take us by surprise

Take the scene the best way

Guide us every single day

Keep us close to You

Until the end of time

Look inside yourself

Such perfect order

Hiding in your cells

Running in your veins

What about anger love and pain

And all the things you’re feeling

Can you touch them with your hand

So are they really there

Let’s start questioning ourselves

Is this proof enough for us

Or are we so blind

To push it all aside, no

We just have to

(Anger, love and pain?)

Open our eyes our heart our mind

If we just look prior we see the sign

We cant keep hiding from the truth

Let it take us by surprise

Take the scene the best way

Guide us every single day

Keep us close to You

Until the end of time

When our babies born

So helpless and weak

And you’re watching it growing

So why deny what’s in front of your eyes

The biggest miracle of life

We just have to

Open our eyes our heart our mind

If we just look prior we see the sign

We cant keep hiding from the truth

Let it take us by surprise

Take the scene the best way

Guide us every single day

Keep us close to You

Until the end of time

Artist: Maher Zain

Song: Open Your Eyes

Flamboyant genius versus smart diligent

There are many opinions and people often argue which characters or criteria are good for doing science. Should we be someone who is extrovert, really good at discussing ideas and who is exceptionally brilliant to be good at science? Well, not necessarily, according to my supervisors.

Science and in particular research, first and foremost requires someone who is really passionate of what he or she is doing. When you are passionate, it is obvious that you will put all your efforts, your energy and you are willing to sacrifice many what other people consider as precious. You will not hesitate and think twice if it’s about your research (well, that’s a bit of an exaggeration but there are many people who shockingly succumb to this). I definitely don’t recommend this kind of behavior or passion.

The Honours final oral presentations just ended at both Melbourne and Monash Uni. My supervisors, as usual wll share with me the stories of the students. I already aware of my supervisors techniques of asking questions. He will ask long and winding questions but often you just need to answer yes or no or I’m not exactly sure. You might think the last option is rather cowardice or a bit pessimistic but it is surprisingly a lot better then try to attempt to answer the questions that you don’t know. I always thought that even if we don’t know the answer, we should try our best to answer the questions, give our best shot and try to answer it “intellectually”.  I told them that’s what I did when I stumbled upon questions that I don’t know in exams. They just smiled and told me, “Actually, that’s when we get really pissed off.” (sorry, I’m direct quoting them, no intention to swear here)

Still surprise I ask them why? Should we try our best even if we are wrong? I thought it is always good to give our best shot? He asked me, why don’t you just be honest and tell the panels that you don’t know. All of us are human, we wont penalize you if you don’t know.

I replied that we are afraid that the panels will think us as not well prepared and once we are panic, then, all things will just fall apart.

He told me that the panels could find the way to interpret the students’ work whether they are lazy or just could not move on. He said that he would rather choose students that are not so smart but are hardworking and like what they are doing. He will never choose students, how bright he or she is but the student just feign interest in their research and showcase or exhibit their works as something really good but that is not the case. He said, just tell the truth, for an instance, I failed on this part but I move on rather than making many hypotheses although it might sound intellectually stimulating.

His advice to all the flamboyant, genius but not so diligent with their work to go into administration, go into PR or do consultant rather than continue doing PhD or go into research.

(Not an extrovert? Well, no worries, you are good enough)

To sum it up, you need to have high interest in your work. Even if you are not genius and you don’t have to be a geek to do PhD or go into research.

(No need to be a geek to do PhD or do research)

Birthday Weekends

The past two weeks were the birthdays of my two brothers. Well, the more we age, the more the responsibility befalls. All the best in your pursuit and I will always love you as my brothers and will always pray for the best for both of you.

(Lasagne in the making)

(Second batch of lasagne, the first batch was snapped before the picture could be snapped)

(Health food, plenty of protein and vegetables, less carbohydrates – barbecue chicken, grilled lamb, lasagne, corn and barbecue vegetables)

(Birthday cakes minus the birthday boys)

(Two hearts intertwined for the sake of ukhuwah islamiyyah, awww, so sweet)

So much for preaching

We call ourselves daie, dhuat for plural. we claim ourselves as the hawariyyun, as the people who follows the footstep of the prophets. we pride ourselves of doing the biggest sunnah which is to make dakwah to the mankind, advising our fellow friends and neighbours to follow obligingly the rules of Islam in accordance to the sunnah. Alhamdulillah, everything seems to be good and life is blissful. But what about our own tarbiyyah?

Well, people might say that he’s good enough, he doesn’t have to learn anything new. Well, he’s an ustaz anyway and he should be teaching other people with the knowledge that he has. He doesn’t have to seek more knowledge in fact people should find him and grab as much knowledge from him, no? well, yes, the answer is a definite no.

Even prophet Rasulullah S.A.W. is constantly being tarbiyyah by the Rabb, Allah S.W.T. In the early part of surah ‘Abasa, Allah S.W.T. directly reminded the prophet Muhammad S.A.W. when he did not treat one of the companions as he should. during that incident the prophet Muhammad S.A.W. was preaching to the “big guns”, the leaders of Quraisy. All of a sudden, Abdullah Ibnu Makhtum , a blind man and poor, old man came to the prophet Muhammad S.A.W. to ask him how he could purify his sins. The prophet, due to the disruption, then frowned and was angry with Abdullah Ibnu Makhtum, yet he did not scolded Abdullah Ibnu Makhtum. Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. only frowned but at that absolute moment came the reminder and the wahyu from Allah S.W.T.

(The Prophet (Peace be upon him)) frowned and turned away. Because there came to him the blind man (i.e. Abdullah bin Umm-Makthum, who came to the Prophet (Peace be upon him) while he was preaching to one or some of the Quraisy chiefs). But what could tell you that per chance he might become pure (from sins). Or that he might receive admonition, and that the admonition might profit him. As for him who thinks himself self-sufficient. To him you attend. What does it matter to you if he will not become pure (from disbelief, you are only a Messenger, your duty is to convey the Message of Allah). But as to him who came to you running. And is afraid (of Allah and His Punishment). Of him you are neglectful and divert your attention to another. Nay , (do not do like this), indeed it (these Verses of this Quran) are an admonition. So whoever wills, let him pay attention to it.

(Surah ‘Abasa, verse 1 – 12, 80:1 – 12)

The other day, while I was cycling from Monash Pharmacy campus back to Bio21, I ignored the no cycling footpath as I wanted to rush. Yes, i admitted it was totally my mistake, but I did not think at that time, and simply thought that I need to rush, there is not a single person on the footpath and it’s quite a large footpath anyway (OK, OK, I should not justify, it’s my fault). When I came to the traffic light to cross the street, suddenly an old lady tapped me from behind.

“Did you know that you cannot ride your bike on this footpath,” she said.

I smiled apologetically, and said, “Sorry, I wanted to rush.”

“You know that you could be fined. I can report it to the police.”

Again, I just gave her my apologetic smile and kept quiet.

Before I crossed the street, suddenly I saw her cross the other street while the light is still red. Jaywalking?

Hmm, so much for preaching… Well, I’m still guilty, I don’t deny the fact. Guilty is quite a strong word, well, iIm definitely wrong..

(As guilty as criminal, am I?)

Well, as dhuat, we should always hold and cling tightly to our words. I vow next time, to be as well disciplined and keep my own words. Insya Allah.

Thank You Allah…

I was so far from You…

Yet to me..  You are always so close…

I wandered lost in the dark…

I closed my eyes… to all the signs.. You put in my way…

I walked everyday… further and further away from you…

O Allah… You brought me home…

I thank You… with every breathe I take…

(My eyes closed to all the signs that You put in my way)

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah

All praises to Allah, all praises to Allah

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah

All praises to Allah, all praises to Allah

I never thought about…

All the things.. You had given to me…

I never thank You once…

I was too proud…

To see the truth..

And prostrate to You…

Until I took the first step…

That’s when You opened the door for me…

Now Allah… I realize what I was missing…

By being far from You…

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah

All praises to Allah, all praises to Allah

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah

All praises to Allah, all praises to Allah

Allah.. I want to thank You…

I want to thank You.. for all the things that You’d done…

Your love for me… through all my years.. I’ve been lost…

You guided me… from all the ways that were wrong…

Indeed.. You gave me hope…

O Allah I want to thank You…

I want to thank You.. for all the things that You’ve done…

You’ve done for me… through all my years I’ve been lost…

You guided me.. from all the ways that were wrong…

I want to thank You.. for bringing me hope…

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah

All praises to Allah, all praises to Allah

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah

All praises to Allah, all praises to Allah

(Thank You Allah, incessantly giving me hopes, for all the things You had and always done)

Artists: Maher Zain

Song: Thank You Allah

First Conference

Alhamdulillah, for the past two weeks, I was pretty busy with countless writing and presentations. It’s like you feel more like a robot after monotonous works. After the compulsory 6 months committee meeting with all my four supervisors, few other lecturers from my departments showed interest to listen about my research. Well, I’m not selling out the research that we are doing but yes it’s rather interesting and not all the time people encounter research that combines many disciplines (organic chemistry, biochemistry, peptide chemistry, medicinal chemistry, pharmacy). It’s a bit tiring mentally as I have to prepare with anticipated questions, prepare lots of back up slides and the very important thing is never to let my supervisors down. Well, they are pretty happy with the presentations and happy with the prospects.

Going over through the PhD timeline that I proposed, they were also enthusiastic and couldn’t wait to reach the milestones targeted. I proposed 3 lab visits in 2 years time. Although, it’s a bit ambitious but my supervisors quickly contacted some of his collaborators and some of his friends all over the world. Well, some already responded. Apparently, the prospect of going over to other labs to learn new techniques is quite bright and I can’t wait for that.  At the moment, I’m persuading my supervisors to subsidize travelling allowance for an international peptide conference in Copenhagen, Denmark next year. Well, fingers crossed.

End of this month, I will be presenting for the first time in a small conference that will be held at Four Point Sheraton in Geelong. I will just present for 10 minutes and have perhaps Q & A session around 5 to 10 minutes. Well, like my supervisor said, no pressure and no drama. If you had been used to present for two hours, 10 minutes is totally negligible. I am still rather nervous. Hopefully there are not many well known researchers around that might be too critical with our work. There are not many people doing that have the specialty of many disciplines in Australia. It might be a different case in US or UK where it is common that the researchers who have chemistry background will also has good biochemistry background and pharmacy background. Even the postgraduate programs in US have advanced coursework to complement the research component. The worst part is they make it very difficult that it is often the students failed and have to repeat the coursework programs. Alhamdulillah, I continued on here and not there in UCSF. Well, that will not deter me of going there later, maybe as post doc. Insya Allah.

(UCSF – top pharmacy school in US and ranked second worldwide)

We were told that we are going to get room facing the sea. I will share the room with my fellow Phd colleague, Iqbal. Hopefully the talks will not be too long and we will have plenty of breaks and get the chance to enjoy the time over there :p Well, I’m not trying to be lazy but I feel it’s a well earned retreat that we direly need. Two years of doing similar things over and over again in the lab can really make you feel restless.

Why do we like to hurt so much?

(Breaking other people’s heart like shattering glasses?)

Why do we like to hurt so much? Often we see people happy with the mishaps of other people. They feel triumphant and felt that they are more powerful than that really unlucky person. It’s such a disgrace and such an agony to ever think that these people do exist.

Have we ever reached what’s in other people’s heart? Do we know how he or she exactly feels? Some people (na’uzubillah), like to make assumption and just did what they “think” is right or what they feel like doing. Why can’t we make assumption? Well there is a sheer and clear cut lesson from the sirah.

Usamah Bin Zaid is the son of Zaid Bin Harithah while Zaid Bin Harithah is adopted by Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. as his son and Zaid become one of the closest companions to prophet Muhammad S.A.W. Thus, Usamah Bin Zaid is also loved with such affection by the prophet S.A.W.

Usamah Bin Zaid was even chosen by the prophet Muhammad S.A.W. as the army commander to lead the attack against the Rome. At that time, there are many big and well known companions that arealso involved in the army, but Rasulullah chose Usamah Bin Zaid. It was reported that at that time he was just a teenager. Some reported that his age was 16 years old and some reported that his age is around 18 years old. Well, shouldn’t we be ashamed that Usamah with such a young, precocious age was elected as the commander? What about us? Did we lead any big organization? Well, not at 18 years old for sure. This really shows that Usamah has excellent attributes given the entrusted big responsibility put upon him.

Well, I’ll just cut short the story of Usamah. In one of the battle, it was reported that in one incident, he came face to face with the enemy of Islam. All of a sudden, this person exclaimed and announced the syahadah. Usamah was startled but he still held his sword and swung it to that person and killed him instantly.

There are other companions who saw this incident and reported back to prophet Muhammad S.A.W. Once prophet Muhammad S.A.W. heard about this, his face turned red, shaken with anger. Usamah then faced prophet S.A.W. and the prophet asked him whether or not the story is true. Usamah confessed and with defence he told prophet Muhammad S.A.W. that this person announced the syahadah because he is afraid to die. “He just did that to save his life.”

Prophet Muhammad S.A.W. faced then turned very red and reprimanded Usamah, “Did you cut his chest and take out his heart. Do you really know what’s in his heart?”

Usamah later became very regretful and became very sad with the incident. It was reported that Usamah later mentioned that he wished that he never went through that incident and never incur the anger of prophet Muhammad S.A.W. Well, this is companion that we are talking now.

Please don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to lambast all these people, but I do feel sad and regret that some people succumbed to this un-tolerated behavior. Words flow freely without thinking whether or not it could the feeling of other people. Well, words can be very sweet and nice to hear, but sometimes words could be a double sided dagger, not only piercing the heart of the person who hears it but could also, in turn later breaks our heart.

Well, in this exam period time, emotions are at the brink of collapse. People are worried not having enough time to cover all the study. At the same time, they have to juggle between house chores and other responsibilities. Well, this is the time that we should be understanding of others and help to alleviate the anxiety and help our friends in all way that we can.

Well, those who happen to be undergoing this kind of torture, well, stand strong, hold on and cling on to Allah’s promise and insyaAllah prays for the best. Forgive and forget the wrongdoings and insyaAllah, you will make it through.

(Be strong my dear, never lose hope, cling on to Allah’s promises, insyaAllah, you’ll be rewarded, if not in this life, in the hereafter, ameen…)

Yearned for?

Are you yearning for something? Some of my friends might yearn for a baby. Some might yearn for someone? Some might even yearn for something that they feel they will never achieve.

Will we call that an ambition? Or should we just brush it off as fantasy, something that is nice and pleasure to think of. We thought that as a far-fetched idea, something that we should make sure ourself grounded to reality and just accept what we have now.

Well, Alhamdulillah, we should be thankful for what we have. Should always be contented and not complaining, zuhud as you might coin it. But does Islam really obviate us from always achieving the best and fulfill our dream no matter how difficult it might be?

(Aiming high, even sky is not the limit, always have the highest target to keep yourself driven to achieve it)

I remember this hadith that I’ve been forced to memorize. Well, I am thankful to Allah and to that person who pushed to remember this hadith. It has been my drive all these years, whenever I feel like giving up not able to achieve something. Well, I just pause for a while, climb back from the fall and keep moving, never to look back or never to slow down.

ليس الإيمان بالتمني ، ولا بالتحلي ،ولكن و ما وقر في القلب ، وصدقه عمال

(Laisal imaanu bittamanni wa la bittahalli, walakin wa ma waqara filqalbi, wa saddaqahu ‘amal)

Iman is not simply a fantasy neither a jewellery but it is something that is to be instilled and rooted deep in the heart and proven by ‘amal. (Reported by Ad Daylami)

NB– some people claimed that this is not a hadith but rather a saying from salafussoleh (3 generations after Rasulullah – the companions, tabien and tabi’ tabien, whatever it is, we should grab any lesson)

See the word used is ‘amal with ‘ain, not simply amal (with alif). Amal with alif is a dream yet ‘amal with ‘ain is something that we have to prove. Well, even to pronounce it take quite an effort. You have to stress the ‘ain to get it sounds right.

Should we just bury our dreams and hopes? Well, I urge myself and all of us to dig back all the ambitions that we have dreamt since we were kids. Dig back and materialize all the aims that we proudly told our school teacher and to the rest of the class that we want to achieve as we grow up.

(Well, don’t just stare and hope, make your dream a reality)

Don’t give up. Don’t blame it on the conspiracy or the so called enemy of Islam? You know that there don’t have any power on you. All the times, world records are broken. This reminds me of the concept of potential limit. There is a theory that every man doesn’t have potential limit. You will keep on rediscovering your upper limit every time you try something. So, don’t limit yourself, I beg all of you please, try our best, don’t be sad with the outcomes, but just keep on moving.

Well, I dream of conquering the world. Anyone care to join?